Doe

Life gives me lemons…

July 28, 2008
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…then I make lemonade and share it with everyone and have none left for myself.

I’m okay with that. I believe God gave me this life to care for others, but I also believe that He wants me to take care of myself.

I really need to think of myself sometimes. I need not to live for anything but God because in the end, He’s the one I have to please. Not you, not me. Not the public, not my family, not my friends, not the cute boys, not the teachers, God!

Although I know this and believe it so greatly, I find myself giving everything I have into relationships with friends and family members.

I end up feeling bad in the end when I can’t provide more and more, or if I don’t even get a “thank you” or not even a smile.

Friends and family are supposed to love you no matter what, right?

Why do I feel so bad when this person is around? I give and give and give, and they take and take and take (which is okay by me) but then they’re sad and I don’t understand.

Whenever I talk about this, the person denies the bad feelings, and it gets us nowhere.

Help?


Maybe

March 20, 2008
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Maybe it’s me. I’m loud, I’m selfish sometimes, I’m sloppy, I change my mind more than most, maybe it’s the way I talk or walk or sing or dance or laugh. Maybe it’s not. Maybe I should look at things from a different side. So I did. I looked at the situation for what it really was. I learned that things get a little brighter when you look at them from a different side. The sun makes shadows on a garden, and then you look at the garden 5 minutes later, the shadow is gone and all you see is the beauty that it holds and all the potential and life and love and… beauty. That’s life. Right there, that’s what life is. You’ve just got to wait the 5 minutes for the shadow to go away and then it’s good. It’s good again.


“Most persons do not see the sun” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

January 23, 2008
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To speak truly, few adult persons can see nature. Most persons do not see the sun. At least they have a very superficial seeing. The sun illuminates only the eye of the man, but shines into the eye and the heart of the child. The lover of nature is he whose inward and outward senses are still truly adjusted to each other; who has retained the spirit of infancy even into the era of manhood. His intercourse with heaven and earth, becomes part of his daily food. In the presence of nature, a wild delight runs through the man, in spite of real sorrows. Nature says, — he is my creature, and maugre all his impertinent griefs, he shall be glad with me. Not the sun or the summer alone, but every hour and season yields its tribute of delight; for every hour and change corresponds to and authorizes a different state of the mind, from breathless noon to grimmest midnight. Nature is a setting that fits equally well a comic or a mourning piece. In good health, the air is a cordial of incredible virtue. Crossing a bare common, in snow puddles, at twilight, under a clouded sky, without having in my thoughts any occurrence of special good fortune, I have enjoyed a perfect exhilaration. I am glad to the brink of fear. In the woods too, a man casts off his years, as the snake his slough, and at what period soever of life, is always a child. In the woods, is perpetual youth. Within these plantations of God, a decorum and sanctity reign, a perennial festival is dressed, and the guest sees not how he should tire of them in a thousand years. In the woods, we return to reason and faith. There I feel that nothing can befall me in life, — no disgrace, no calamity, (leaving me my eyes,) which nature cannot repair. Standing on the bare ground, — my head bathed by the blithe air, and uplifted into infinite space, — all mean egotism vanishes. I become a transparent eye-ball; I am nothing; I see all; the currents of the Universal Being circulate through me; I am part or particle of God. The name of the nearest friend sounds then foreign and accidental: to be brothers, to be acquaintances, — master or servant, is then a trifle and a disturbance. I am the lover of uncontained and immortal beauty. In the wilderness, I find something more dear and connate than in streets or villages. In the tranquil landscape, and especially in the distant line of the horizon, man beholds somewhat as beautiful as his own nature.

My second favorite poet, Ralph Waldo Emerson. This man is a genius. I love this excerpt from “Nature” he’s so amazing.


There’s nothing else to lose, there’s nothing else to find. There’s nothing in the world that can change my mind.

January 21, 2008
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I’m falling even more in love with you, letting go of all I’ve held onto. I’m standing here until you make me move, just hanging by a moment here with you.Probably my most favorite song, ever. Whenever I relate a song to a guy I like, it ruins the song when he turns out to be a jerk. This song, this one is a very special song because I’ve always loved it. I can’t help but to relate this song to HIM. I just hope he turns out to be all I’ve hoped for. It’s a long-shot, but there is a 1 in a million shot, okay, maybe 1 in 2 million shot that it could happen! Somebody’s got to be that one. 


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